Category Archives: Faith

Let’s Just See….

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Let’s just see what happens when I stop texting thee…

Alright let’s just be honest, the words that I speak don’t come from No Pocahontas …

They may not make sense, and if they are from the heart….they won’t be on a censored list…

I smirk at the thought and illusion that you pursue what you want…

Only if I am musically inclined then, maybe our words and lyrics can intertwine

Be tied by a beat, music lines is our retreat.

Let’s Just See how far we can go… the music should never stop… the beat continues to flow

Fear can control true love and destiny if you stop on the side line with distracts… what an epiphany.

You… I see… simple… yet a mind as complex as it can be.

Your questions keep me on my toes; your touch brings texture to my soul…

Unexpected connection boggles the mind… leaving questions of expectations

Will I be yours and you mine?

Let’s just see.

Patience is a virtue… you don’t rush perfection… wait… no one can be perfect right?

So why wait till you feel you have it all on a straight line.

I may now try something new…. Soar on a friendship that takes me high…

Continued to an island of great conversations of the mind…. Oh how I wouldn’t dare turn back the hands of time.

Let’s just see how you write this tale… from a perspective of someone yet still floating

Your mind thinks ritually, your lips speak swiftly…

It does seem unfair to meet you in times as these….

Shifting your life, unstable for the chase of the music notes on flight….

Funny thing is, I am not afraid to fly… and Christ as my savior… or die.

Let see if you run from something great, due to your own doubts

I will sit and wait… for the breaking point… that you say…I love you…

Known from the moment I met you.

Let’s just see… how far music and love can take thee.

Away from me?   Possibly.

The God, I know sees… what the end will be.

I’m willing to wait…. Well, Let’s Just See…

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Random Scribbles That I Need to Let Out!

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…. Don’t really have much to write today beside the fact that I felt like writing random things that I have been wanting to express and this is dediciated to Millie Price R.I.P.  We miss you!

 I lost a dear love this weekend, someone who has known me is I was little… my heart is sadden with the thought of this person leaving this world. I don’t like death, I know that its apart of life and everyone will see that day, but I prefer to look forward to the rapture and all my close friends and family go to glory then, not experience the lost of them while I have to continue this life without them. Its hard, and it hurt very badly. I don’t look forward to that day at all ….. Tears. I lost my pastor  ( District Eld. Mark Plummer Sr. ) in 2008 and I felt that my heart had been  snatched out my heart and broken in to small pieces. He came to me in a dream and gave me peace. So to the family of Mille Price… you will have peace and God will comfort your hearts, even when it doesn’t seem possible right now, it will happen. She is with the Lord, and her laughter and praise to the Lord will forever be heard in the walls of Refuge Temple Revival Center.  😉  Love you Millie.

* If you don’t say how you feel, or what your intentions are, as a grown woman, I will not assume or try to figure out what you are thinking and feeling. This is the one thing that gets relationships off-balance so much and the one time I don’t jump the gun and think that your kindness is more than just that… I guess I was wrong.  I am now conditioned to a particular way of thinking that prevents me from being hurt. Sorry u don’t understand that, I pray you find your lady that ” just gets it”.  🙂 *

*  Thank you for running your mouth against me.  :p  It’s obvious that you don’t know me and that you are used to be that person that makes be push even harder to reach my goal in life. Whoever you are, I thank you for your slander against me. U may think that you accomplished what you wanted to accomplish, but I see the bigger picture of what God is doing and that it’s all good. Because no matter what, I am blessed, I will be blessed and there is nothing you can or any devil in hell to stop that! =D *

* How about we not jump the gun on what people say about someone else before you make your decision. U might just have allowed the blocking of your blessing.  Free will is still existent with the walk with God. *

* Family doesn’t treat family that way. I’m just saying. >:/ *

* There comes a point to where, you must deal with your decisions that you have made, can’t keep trying to find a way to soothe it or make it better because at the end of the day, your decision still remains. The cycle will continue like a drug addiction. Stop it before it begins. *

* I love my sisters, and they love me. “

* The two type of men in this world has a lot in common. They are men. No matter what somethings just doesn’t change, and it has nothing to do with if they are in the church or not. NONE! *

* He was a surprise and made me smile. May have come in a smaller package…. but I really don’t care anymore. It doesn’t have to be more than what it is for that very moment. Just enough to make u feel wanted, loved, and beautiful.  Thank you boo. *

* I see my blessing right in front of me, and I see something that was a soul tie calling me. I desire to move to another level in life and that soul tie is over… I must accept that and move forward. It’s worth it! Second Job interview! Lets GO! ”

* Get moving already?! Stop waiting for someone to come along and push you to become something great! You have the ability to do it. GO FOR IT! *

* Don’t think that everyone is just supposed to understand you, and get you, but you don’t want to take that time to understand and get someone else. This is who I am and if you don’t like it then kick rocks! *

* Tired of that third eye looking at me… so tired. *

* My secrets are beginning to be never told only to my heart’s true soul. *

* Excited about my new body, I did it for me and no one else. They key to keeping it off!!:)*

 

 

 

 

 

 

* I love my mother. *

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*Duchy!*

 

 

Who Said Fairy Tales Are Just for Lil Girls!

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Now who in the world said  this foolishness!!  Some one tell me the truth!! I don’t think that is the real case….

I think that fairy tales can be for grown women, I mean think about it…. all of the girls in the stories… Cinderella, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty… they all were at least 18!  That is grown woman status.!! So if they are the main characters in these stories, then why can’t I believe in the same thing!

                       Cinderella,  had a not so happy set up with her step mother and her two-step sisters… but really all the hard work, hurt and pain they put her through just prepared her to be the humble woman that she had become. She was ready to appreciate her prince cause she had nothing but to be thankful for the little that she did have and that one day her prince would come find her and take her away! This is okay!  Something to look forward too, a life better than the one that you have currently when you are suffering and going through.

This is what I believe the Lord really wants us to understand. He is our prince charming! Whatever we could ever think of to desire he already has it for us waiting to come and receive it.  He give us free will and a choice to choose to serve him.  He is and always will be a gentleman. So, when he ask you to dance in the ballroom, take his hand let him led the way!

           I may create a world in my head, thank the Lord this doesn’t mean I am crazy, LOL just that I am creative in imagination which has now been used for writing and theater. I can imagine myself as that fairy tale girl, that is waiting for that ” True Loves First Kiss”. A man who knows how to treat you and respect you, and you will be his wife before he has sex with you! NOW you know that none of these fairy tales rolled like that, these princes did not go around and slept with the women in the town first, then chose his princess. NOPE! They did it right! LOL! ( Hint Hint MEN! ) 

When she left her glass slipper, that was the way he had to find her. That was a chase, a pursuit, a game, to find the woman that he had fallen in love with.  He could have said, ” Oh well,  Guess she isn’t the one for me.”  but he didn’t . He searched Hi and Low and endure all kinds of stinky feet to find her, and he did. He didn’t give up. 

             Some men still don’t understand the purpose of  “The Chase”. There is a reason God has a man find the woman and not the other way around. That is part of the calling a  man, to be that provider and head of the household. If she knows that you will chase her and seek out her heart, she will with no regrets or hesitations give you her loyalty and heart.

           Now with Beauty and the Beast….mmm… OMG! I don’t know it I could do what she did… cause he truly was a UGLY BEAST!  She saw more, she saw his heart. She saw something that no one else took the time to see in him. And she tarried and waited, and with her patience and love the curse on his life was broken. 

             Sometimes, God sees something so great in us that no one else does.  I , We , wonder why but God has that special person that will see what he wants them to see in you and love you for that… doesn’t matter about the outside appearance cause that fades with time, but to love that special part of someone who no one ever took the time to get to know, is truly the ultimate blessing from GOD.  He loves me, you, and everyone, no matter what and that is what a real life fairy tale should be about! 

                    Every one of these story’s seem to have something tragic happen in them that almost made it seem like it was over for love to occur,  but some how it all worked out and the prince had his princess.   Real life is not to far off if you really take a moment to think about it. I refuse to let past hurt and pains stop me from believing that my GOD has a great love for me.

              So leave me be, If i want to sit and imagine my prince, husband loving me and catering to me…(MMMM>>>GLORY!!)  Even if what I imagine is not the reality cause I still have to face some trials and tribulations, and it may never come to pass but,  I don’t mind waiting….while  imagining my fairy tale just as I did as a little girl, way before I knew, that  fairy tales didn’t come true.

Duchy! 🙂

Oil & Water… Doesn’t Mix!

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Can two walk together, except they be agreed? Amos 3:3

Such a true statement! It’s not easy to find someone who you are comfortable with enough to go out  and “let your hair down” as an older mother would say.  I have found myself not able to find that person ( male) to call upon and lets just go and have a great time! Someone please tell me …. why and when did having a fun good time become associated with sexual activities and functions! SMH.

It’s really sad that the men in the church can’t say ” Hello!” to you because they are afraid that they will sin or do something wrong, so they stay away… then you get these men in the world that really don’t have the understanding of just being a “friend” first before expecting anything from  the relationship.  Causal sex is a new trend that has hit this generation heavenly.   I had a male friend literally tell me that after you hit it the men better than check the mindset of that girl, see where she’s at… REALLY?!  I could have promised that sex was a personal activity, esp since you can died from it in these days!  Why not check out the “mindset” of the lady before you even make an attempt… I won’t say think because men are visual, so if she is beautiful and attractive he is going to think sexually about her, but you don’t have to act on those thoughts until you know that this is someone who you really want to be able to have apart of your life a little longer then just the… OPPS… she’s prego guess I have to stay around now!!

Oil and Water doesn’t mix, not just in the sense of  a Christian dating an Unbeliever, but a lady that wants to be courted, treated with respect, and loved dating a man who doesn’t want to date her until he feels she is “worthy” of the time to be spent on, speaks to her any kind of way and thinks that she is supposed to accept it if she really likes him, sex immediately, and commitment is a maybe only if you ” cooperate” with the prior rules of understanding.

I was raised by my mother, a single mother of four girls. She taught us that all men wanted was to get in your panties and leave you alone! So don’t mess with them, they don’t mean you any good… UNTIL… she would then say… the Lord brings you your husband.  Ya’ll I didn’t understand that one bit then. I thought that she was just really mean and that I could have males that was just friends…. Yea… I did then… NOW… I understand…

My so-called male friends conversations have shifted since then…..  yea it’s not the innocent conversations that it really was then when momma would pick up on the phone to make sure…. LMBO!  Now I wish she could still be there to put that man in place when the first thing he is talking about is coming to my house and “chill” instead of taking me out for a nice dinner and movie!

My daddy once took me out for a Valentines day… and he let me know that he was taking me on my first date and that is the way that I am supposed to be treated every time when a male ask me out, and anything less is not acceptable and he doesn’t deserve me.  Oh how I have forgotten this! I forgot that my father had already showed me the way that this thing is to be done.  But I totally forgot, and has accepted a lot of mess in my life… if I had only really listened to that…

That is how we do with the Lord though… He has already led the path for us with the Word of God, but yet we forget, we don’t listen and then have a lot of heart ache and pain for our decision if only we have listened and been obedient in the first place.  You can’t strive to be treated with respect when accept anything… and you can’t expect God to bless you when you are always out of his will.  Don’t try to mix water and oil. It never works.

Duchy!

Gotta Let you Go, To get what’s mines…

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Journal Entry

 

I had to let go of something that I didn’t want to so bad! Like a child with their pacifier or security blanket, they don’t want to let it go because it provides them comfort and peace. If you ever sucked a finger or thumb, it’s the same feeling. And when its taken from you abruptly, you find yourself upset and disoriented, like someone has just snatched you out of your matrix…. your perfect feeling world.

When a child cries or get worked up you need that comfort to calm down, then you feel like you can think clearly…. oh wait… yea! I use to suck my fingers… I have found myself still doing it when I cry or get really stressed.  But I have had to learn how to let it go and move forward when I get worked up over something.

Same thing when the Lord is chasing you and there is a calling on your life… you have to let go. You have no choice in the matter. To get the blessings that he has in store for you, you must walk in the calling. I will admit that its easier now, to let go of  foolishness then it was before. That’s any type of relationships.  Friendship I have had to let go for the purpose of growth within myself. Males I have had to let go when I seen that they are their only for the purpose to keep my down, and now when I see it and recognize it… it amazes me because it’s the same old stuff all the time!  SMH! 

I battled this past Sunday with letting go… I really didn’t want too, like a fat kid holding their ice cream cone…  I cried, I wailed, but I still didn’t want to let go… the Lord sent a messenger to me personally when I felt I couldn’t stand anymore because of the physical battle that was going on in my mind, body and soul. She spoke a word of comfort and of confirmation of the calling and purpose. I am designed for a purpose that I myself don’t understand completely.  I knew then It had to be let go.

Funny thing is, he let himself go. All I had to do was say the word which didn’t even get a response back…. I am sure he can’t even understand why it is the way it is… but I know. It’s God. And I am done walking on my authority as much as possible.  I know that I can make it… I just got to stop grabbing mess in the first place.  I trust God!

* Duchy!”

Daze of a Haze that is in my Face

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              The reality is that one day I feel as if my mind is going to go crazy. That I am not going to be able to think right or get my work to come out of my mouth correctly. My perception of things will seem to shift and I won’t be able to tell what day it is and whether I am coming or going.  It’s hard to face the pain of the revelation of a lie in a relationship, to lose so much at one time and  know that it’s not meant for that to be recovered. 

The daze is clouding my judgement, through tears of pain, disappointment and discouragement. Reality?  That bills are due, past due, and have no clue how they will get paid……  that I don’t know where the next meal is coming from to the next…. that I have been in physical pain in my body that haunts me with a possible future diagnosis… that my heart can’t take another breaking from men that mean me no good are worth a penny of my time spent with them…. the daze of the haze in my face is real and its smothering me.

Never to give Satan praise, but the acknowledgment of my test and trials are for the set up of my victory dance. The spirit of depression taunts me, and it seems as if I am the only one facing these battles.  Reality? I know that’s not true but the Daze of the Haze in my Face makes me feel that way.

Anybody has a fan that I can borrow?  I would love to blow this all the way away!

The Joy of the Lord is my strength! I am waiting for my Joy to come like  it never has,  my cup to overflow! Lord Please, Blow this Haze away! 

My new church is exciting and I praise God that I am there!  I joined a new singing group that will make me take my vocals and praise to another level! Hair school is going great as I learn all these new skills, and I have family and friends that have nevered faulterd there love and commitment to our relationships.  So, I know my joy is here just waiting for me to activate it and seek him for the rest of my blessings….

Love,

*Duchy!”

Untouchable

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I see something so untouchable…. Not a flying bird or a star in the sky but a man who I have seen with my eyes…. He moves me in a way I can’t explain, shaken to the core my soul stands…. This man preaches to the nation and to the soul, he’s a pastor to the lost as their stories unfold. He is an untouchable man too me.

I have felt something untouchable, it slips away from me as soon as I just begin to inhale its, his aroma. Why is it that I can’t indulge in his kiss as a sweet touch of cold ice cream to ones lips. To love him is forbidden, for I know he is not for me… He is untouchable to my fingers too feel within my body’s desire control.

I have heard the voice of a man who is untouchable too me…. He is miles away and has wooed me with every word he has said. Oh how I love to heard his voice speak in my ear so gently , I breath and exhale to make sure I’m not going to faint.. This is real I tell myself, a man so far could love me still… But yet why did I have to like him? A man who is yet so untouchable too me, the unknown lingers in my soul…oh how I long to be loved by the one so true…this man is untouchable too me.

One day, I can only pray a man will be touched by me.

*Duchy*

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