Monthly Archives: June 2011

First 25 Years……

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….I write this, 4 hours before I become 26 years old. Time has flown by so fast that it amazes how much I have seen and done, but also what I haven’t yet seen or done. I am thankful for it all….

      My mother being a single mom was so hard, but the fruit of her labor is vivid as seeing all four of her daughter now grown, living successful lives. We all came up under the same household, but separate time frames of life with our mom. Needless to say, the root foundation was all the same and we all have given our lives to the Lord serving him in our individual callings.

      I have seen the season of hurt, sexual abuse as a child growing up trying to keep the understanding through life that it was and never will be my fault. I learned to adjust to a life without a believing father, meaning that he never really accepted me as his until I was older, however…I knew somewhere in his heart, he always knew I was.  At 14, he took me on my first date for Valentines Day. He said to me, how he treated me that day was the way I should be treated from any male friend that desires to date me. This is one of the many memories I have from my first 25, and I will never forget it or let it go.  I love him dearly with all my heart.

        At 16, I was surprised by my best friend, still to this day, with a sweet 16 birthday party at her mom’s house. I had never had someone show me so much love that wasn’t my blood sister. That day she became one in my heart and I love her dearly.  Thanks LaToya

Miami 2010

       High school was amazing! All four years I experience something new and different. From starting out as a freshman so zealous for what this new place had to offer me, hanging out after school just because to senior year crowned homecoming queen and stage role in our yearly musical ” Hello Dolly!” as Dolly. 

Musical Performed at School and I was the Lead...Dolly!

 
 
 
 

I smile every time I think about those days, days that are priceless and I will encourage my children to do the same.

     My health always seemed to have wanted to not do so well. Even when I was born, my mom said that she wasn’t able to bring me home with her cause I had a fever and they didn’t know why. I battled with acne and being overweight. Doctors even tried to say that I had an eating disorder, stress issues due to the sexual abuse, and that I should have been crazy for what I had experienced. Well, my God had the final say about that!! 🙂  Sinus infections, IBS, gallbladder removed and lastly was diagnosed with endometriosis which could affect the ability for child barring.  WHEW!  So when I say, after all that I’ve been through I still have joy? yea this is most def why. Made a huge change with eating right, working out and lost right at 50 pounds, I feel great and plan to continue this into the next stage of life!

November 2009

May 2011

       Experienced true love that I can only imagine to embrace somewhere in the next 25 years as I reverence the heartbreak that came with them. They taught me much, and I am grateful. The grown woman wouldn’t be here today if it wasn’t for them.

    First family vacation this year!! Orlando, Florida as mom turned 60, we took her here to celebrate. She was so happy! Again, another priceless moment!

      I am moved emotionally as I write this, to have record of my words if the Lord ever saw fit to take me on home. I will never regret anything I have done or did, because it was all for a purpose and a plan that is greater than I can comprehend.  I may not be where I  would like to be, maybe some kids and a husband, and a BMW 750 Series! lol ….but I am glad that I am not where I was anymore. That time has ended, and a new chapter is beginning. I look to the hills from which cometh my help, and I know through him, Jesus Christ, My Lord and savior, I can do anything but fail!

  So what’s on the agenda for the next 25?? Well school (IUPUI) starts back up for me next week to aspire my true career path, Event Management/Toursim,  that I now know is for me. My business fully functional, Serene Event’s Management Inc.  Maybe a new city…Indy is just getting old I tell ya…and hopefully the man God has for me. Theater is always in my heart, as I hope to be back on the stage this fall!! (Walker Theater, Indy)  Time worries me, but I can’t let it consume me. Just got to enjoy every minute of it.

*** Duchy!***

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Thoughts During the Rain

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……So it’s pouring down raining this morning, and the thunder is lighting so loud that my heart just once jumped up with a shutter of fear and surprise. I roll over and wonder, why today Lord? When I don’t have to be at work, I just wanted to be able to sleep in for once…with no interrupts or distractions. Well, not happening today I guess. My alarm clock, that which is set for my regular work days alarmed and I knew then that I wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep at this point, so I decided to write.

        A scripture came to my mind last night before I went to bed, the one that refers to as a dog going back to its vomit…how nasty the thought of that is….to literally throw up some food that you ate, for whatever reason did not settle in your stomach, now forced out of your body because it’s no longer something good for you and has to get out! After all that your body does to get that “bad” something out, to go back to it…..and eat it all over again? YUCK! Now that is just horribly nasty!  We all know what vomit smells and looks like, such a repulsing smell and sight. One that when people see it or smell it they are moved to become ill just from being around it themselves.

    This amazes me, for the one simple fact that this is something I had been doing myself….like really! How in the world do I continue to mess with situations that God has said no to many times, I have been hurt, disappointed, and frustrated only because of my true disobedience. Soon to be officially 26 in a few days, I have come to realize that a lot of my heartache and pain is all because of me continuing to go back to things that God has released me from once. No blessings or favor is going to suddenly appear!  The illusion is that if I just cry enough, God will change it, If I pray enough, he will change his mind. NOPE! Not happening.

“JUST BECAUSE YOU WANT SOMEONE, DOESN’T MEAN YOU CAN HAVE THEM!”

    This can go both ways cause I have been on both ends. Someone wants me but I just don’t want them, nor do we match what so ever. Then, I have wanted someone and they just don’t want me…which I have no clue why? I mean, I am beautiful, talented, educated, got good common sense, Loves the Lord, etc….  Hey,just a little self encouragement here!! lol  Truth is, It is what it is, and you have to let go and move on either way.

        Here recently, not only does the image of me eating my vomit make me sick to my stomach, but when I think of certain people there is a nasty taste in my mouth…distain. When someone leaves a bad taste in your mouth, like when you ate a piece of candy that was a horrible flavor that you swear never to want to experience again….lol…that is what that person is too you now. When they text you, your simply like…” Ugh! Smacking of your lips….UGH! Not really wanting to talk to you…”  It could just be that, a conversation went horrible, or your experiences with that person was not the best, if not horrible, and all you can think about is, ” Yea, wish that had went differently”  or ” Not, really feeling them after that….”  It happens to us all, and sometimes we don’t realize that we have left a bad taste in someones mouth, or they look at you as the past, to try to continue on with it is like going back to their old vomit, which then repulses them.

        So, I guess in a nutshell, My Lord knows how to get me where he wants me….and if it means that the next time Billy and Bob calls and text….I don’t want to have nothing to do with them because I know that it wasn’t about the right in the beginning, middle was a hot mess, and the ending was better so lets just leave it that way. No need to get mad Bob or billy when I don’t want to talk to you or continue to play the same games with you….I’m done eating something that God has been trying to purge from me. 

    And then its the dreadful situation of that one that never really asks you out, and your kinda like…”Okay, so mmm? How are we suppose to be building a friendship if you never ask me out??”….. and those that stare for hours but NEVER say anything….whew that’s really annoying I tell ya! Just say “Hi, How are you?” doesn’t have to be a cheesy line or something……and the lovely ones, that supposedly like you so much, talked to you maybe for a split second, and next thing you know the person is ignoring you, and has moved on to someone else for whatever reason that is unknown to you cause they don’t even converse on a friendship bases anymore. ” Dang, did my breath stink the last time we talked or something?” LOL! …….So u end up just putting them kinda in the back of your mind, since you’re not going to be chasing them to spend time with you.  Its like trying to put together a puzzle, all the pieces have to fit, otherwise it never comes together right, and that’s the key part I am learning…whether I love this or we click so well on that, it has to all come together and both have to be moving gracefully at the same pace.

      I am proud of myself though…I see growth and change in the mirror. An immature little girl has now faded, giving and falling for everything that resembled love….and here stands an encouraged, learned, and processed woman of God, ready to stand for whats right and good in her life.  

      Singleness is a process….Lord, Jesus Christ,  I thank you as I humbly submit myself too you in a new way and shape. Yes its hard, but I know I will reap the benefits of the test if I faint not….I pray for those that are in the place where I am. Desiring marriage, children, a home…but doesn’t want to settle for anything less than what you have for them. Keep them encouraged and let them know that with every time their heart cries out because it seems so unfair, and that something just must not be right about them if they haven’t yet been offered something real as others…. let them know, that it’s not over, blessing are still on the way…and to stand strong…God I thank you.

In Jesus Name I pray this prayer amen.

       Now back to finding things that make me happy and enjoy life as I know how….yet while I am single.  Birthday party, school, traveling! Lets go!

***Duchy****