As I walked in the room, my head is some what spinning from the work out routine I just did at the gym. I am completely wore out and all I really want to do is lay down. I walked near my closet to remove the clothes that were completely soaking wet from the vigorous 45 minutes on the elliptical. My eyes was drifted slowly to my notebook that I hadn’t written in for a few days. ” hmm… I guess it would do me some good to go ahead and write the ending of that dream I had, especially before I forget it. ” I said as it seemed that I was literally peeling clothes from my body.
After a hot shower, and hair wrapped up, I was now ready to write out the rest of this dream. ” Now, where did I leave off??”
” Duchy!!…Duchy!! Come over here.” Said mom as she and my sister were standing in line to buy some tickets for the fair. ” I need you to come help get these tickets so we can ride some of these rides please.” said as she moved up towards the window to purchase the tickets.
I still wasn’t aware completely of what just happened, all I knew is that I was in that darn room and that teacher lady was telling me that I was dead and trying to keep me there. It seems that my prayer to the Lord really did work, I am here now, all in one piece. WOW! What if it was all a dream? Or what if it was really for real, and I am getting ready to die any moment, right here at this park. My head was spinning all at once, as a group of kids bumped into me while trying to catch up with some other kids before them.
” Momma?” I asked as I walked towards her to try to figure out what was going on. ” Momma? Do you know what just happened too me? I died! ”
She looked at me while handing me three strips of bright red tickets that said… STATE FAIR on them. ” What are you saying? You died? Well Lord,” She snickered. “Did you go to heaven?”
” Momma, it’s not funny!!” I said with a bit of fear in my eyes. I really wanted to know that someone noticed me gone or seen that I left for a period of time. Oh, wait! It hasn’t happened yet. Whatever that ” It” is, it hasn’t occurred. This is terrifying! Now its like a really bad case of deja vu. ” I was in Abrahams Bosom. But I don’t think that’s really where I was for some reason.”
We all walked towards one of the roller coasters that seemed to be just that one that makes every child vomit after one good spin on it. As I tried to recall everything that happened before I couldn’t remember what happened, I noticed that my chest was hurting right down the middle of it. I rubbed it, without really paying it any attention.
” Mom, for real. They was telling me that I had died, but I prayed to Jesus and he heard my cry and they let me come back. But I remember all of this as if I have already done all this before.” We walked closer to this roller coaster. The name of it was a blur to me, but I couldn’t help for wondering why in the world are we getting on this ride? Momma is now well in her fifties, and she is not usually on rides, any rides for that matter.
” I don’t know Duchy. Sounds like you need to get some soul-searching done and prayer.” She said as she walked towards the gate with one of her bright red tickets that said, STATE FAIR. ” Yea, I know that, but this seemed so real! Like a warning of some sort. The Lady said that she was going to get me back there, it really scared me.” I said as I closed my eyes and took a deep breath wondering why was this happening too me and why now. I mean I have been stress about things, but nothing too major I suppose.
Now we are about ready to get on this ride, as the operator comes over to open the gates and take the tickets from everyone waiting for their turn. ” I better not get sick on this thang! I got enough headaches going on already.” I said as I turned to the operator with my tickets. ” You should be fine.” He said. ” As long as you don’t have any heart problems.” I shook my head no, but I begin to feel this pain in my chest again.. that seemed to hurt more now a bit. I rubbed it harder this time, and it seemed to go away.
We got buckled in. The operator came around to check everyone’s belt to make sure they were secure and in place. My mom and I were in there just great and tight. She pulled it so close to us that I felt my legs lose some blood circulation. The operator went to start the ride. Two seconds later, we were going. The speed sped up so fast that you couldn’t barely catch your breath, nor could you see things around you anymore. Suddenly, I felt that pain in my chest again, but this time it was more painful, like someone had stabbed me in the chest with a knife. I couldn’t even holler out because of how fast we were going. I tried to move my hand slowly against the pressure of the wind, to try to rub my chest and get some relief but this time it didn’t work. I could hear voices hollering words that I could not make out. ” What was happening now?!” I being to feel light headed and I passed out.
The ride was over. As I came too, I was very groogy…and sleepy. I opened my eyes to look and see where I was and I noticed that it was a hospital. I guess I really got sick on that ride. I turned to look around and only saw curtains and walls around me. My chest was still hurting. I lifted my arm to try to touch that same spot, but this time I couldn’t. My arm didn’t move when I thought I had. I couldn’t move at all! Some how I was paralyzed of some sort in this bed. I tried to look down with my eyes and I was thinking for my arm to move but it wasn’t going anywhere. ” OH DEAR GOD!! What now?!” I looked down at my chest to see if I could see where the pain was coming from, and I saw…. I saw my chest was wide open, and my heart sat there life less. Someone had cracked my chest open as if they were trying to get my heart back to life. As tears ran down my cheek, I closed my eyes slowly,and I could only grasp the words to say, “Jesus…Why?”
When my eyes opened, I was back in the room, the same cloudy room as before. Abraham’s Bosom. But something was definitely different this time, it was colder, and I instantly felt scared. A voice behind me spoke, “Welcome Back Duchy.” I would know that voice anywhere! It was the teacher lady! She killed me and brought me back here! I died on that darn rollercoaster ride and she is the one that did it!
“How dare you!” I screamed as I turned and walked towards her. ” You killed me didn’t you?”
” No! Duchy, you killed yourself!” she said as she stood looking at me right in my eyes. I could feel the fear grip my soul as the words she just said froze my body all over.
” Your lying again, just like before! I am not dead. That was what you said before. Remember it was a mistake, you were wrong! Please stop this!!” I said as all the strength in my body literally begins to fade away. It was like all of the fight I had in me the first time was no longer there. But why?
” Duchy, you got out of here the first time. Which was a few months ago. But now, you are here for eternity. Look at your chest! Go ahead and look.”
I looked down as she suggested, still not wanting to believe a word of it. Even though something inside of me was beginning to remember. I saw a scar on my chest, that was long and in between both breast. I rubbed it, and could see that it had been a healed one with scared tissue. This can’t be true, why would I, how could I?
” You see?” she said as she walked back towards that old familiar desk. ” You attempted to kill yourself a few months back, but we took you too soon. God reversed it. That’s how you were able to go back. But understand this, we have been after you for quite some time now, and this was just the way that we decided to capture you.”
” I would never… I mean, I..I wouldn’t.” I said, as memories begin to all flood back to me as if I was watching a movie in my head. I remember being stressed about stuff and feeling like I couldn’t go on another day. ” Oh dear God, No!” as I sat down in one of the chairs. ” I can’t believe I really did it.” I said as tears ran down my face, while looking closer at the wound on my chest. I looked at the woman teacher now with some belief as I said, ” If this is true, why am I here now, you said I did that months ago, what did I do this time? I was at the park with my mother.”
” Yes. You were. But you had already taken the pills before you met with your mom and sister to buy the tickets. You remembered everything except for that part and your visit with me before, came back to your remembrance, kinda like a red flag, to try to stop you. But the work that me and my men did too you was too great, nothing was going to stop you this time. You took those pills on the way there because you had given up on trying to be with the right man, and overwhelmed with your bills, finances, not to mention the abuse that you have had to endure. Oh, I never told you my name, Spirit of Sucide. The Spirit of Depression and I work close together to get our souls. You were one of are hardest missions. But we have prevailed.”
My heart is pounding now, and I can remember everything that she just said. It was true. I did feel that way and I was struggling with that spirit constantly. But I really didn’t think I had succumbed to it. How did I left that happen. I wanted to fight this so hard. ” If I prayed once and I came back I can do it again. Where is that young girl that was here before? She can pray with me again.” I said to her as I took every ounce of energy to just say that.
” She isn’t here this time. She was allowed by God to come here to be assistance too you because she too was just like you. She knew the Lord well, but was over come by the issues of life and she killed herself as well. This is where all the souls come that have committed suicide. This is not Abraham’s bosom, if you hadn’t figured that out by now. She remembers now and then, her life while serving the Lord, that’s why she was able to help you pray, but she also would then remember how she killed herself. This is your fate as well, those that were here but not speaking, hadn’t yet remember, but they all come around at some point and question me and so forth, just as you did. But, eventually they forget all over again. You were the one exception.”
” I want to go home.” I pleaded to her. Please, let me go. I am so sorry! I won’t do this ever again. I get it now! Please!!” I realized I was beginning to forget somethings, like how did I get here again.
“Unless you want to go and see your body in the casket as your family prepares your body for your funeral, I suggest you take your seat there. Your going to be here for quite a while. Don’t worry, you will forget it all here in no time.” She said as she walked around her desk and towards me and touched my shoulder.
She was right, I couldn’t remember why I was here, or what I had done to get here. All I knew is that my chest heart as if someone had stabbed me with a knife and I could here voices hollering out words I can’t make out…something like…” Clear!”
I jumped up out that chair, and looked around with fear. I saw a lady leaning on a desk in front of me. ” Excuse me? Where am I?” And an old man’s voice from the back of the room answered my question, I turned around to see him the best I could through the cloudy smoke in the room.
” Ma’mn, you are in Abraham’s Bosom.”